Just Leave Him There, Luke.

Former Vice President Dick Cheney (god, it feels good to say that) arrived at Obama's inaugural ceremonies today via wheelchair. So he's now, quite literally, hell on wheels. The Bush administration's dark lord of the Sith, known as "Angler" to his friends, a man so unhealthy that he has heart attacks in his knees, has met his match - a Ryder K150 moving box. Yes, the thing that's "more machine than man," as wise Jedi would tell you, pulled one of his remaining organic muscles attempting to move a box. But in fairness, all those phone records and torture memos and ignored warnings of bin Laden's terrorist attacks and fabricated WMD intelligence just have to weigh tons. I don't think I could've picked them up either.

So, like his mentor Darth Vader, Mr. Cheney has been felled by something far less powerful than any of his former allies. My friend made an astute observation this morning: "Leave the wheelchair, Luke, the Death Star's about to go!"

Mr. Cheney's body will not be cremated in the forests of Endor, as speculated. Instead, he has announced his desire to spend his retirement planning for the inevitable and much feared mineshaft gap.

Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!

Smiles, smiles, everyone? No, not anymore. Mr. Roarke has died and Fantasy Island has fallen to its doom, swallowed up by an angry sea.

Ricardo Montalban, the suave leading man who was one of the first Mexican-born actors to make it big in Hollywood and who was best known for his role as Mr. Roarke on ABC's "Fantasy Island," has died. He was 88. Unlike his diminutive co-star on the show, Montalban died of natural causes related to old age...not by playing lollipop with an oversized service revolver. The object of my admiration from childhood through college, to the dismay of my family and friends who were forced to endure my relentlessly bad impersonations of him, Montalban will be sorely missed.

To paraphrase Frank from Blue Velvet, "he is one suave fucker." Indeed.

Link

Explaining the Bailout Package

Samuel Prescott Bush and his wife, Flora, explain the financial industry bailout package to ignorant American businessmen.