Don't Have a Dreadful Easter - Stay Away from Church and Crosses (and People with Nails)

As startling and as disappointing as it may be, I do have a soft side that rears its ugly head every Easter. No, I don't fritter the day away thinking of ways to justify antisemitism or playing hide-and-seek with dead messiahs, as so many other dreadful people do. No, I spend my Easters with a 6'4" invisible Pooka named Harvey. And if you do venture into a bar, be sure to bring something big.